It’s been a week since last Sunday’s post and I’ve listened carefully to what my heart is saying. Overwhelmingly, it is an outpouring of…
Thank you for the countless texts, emails, prayers, comments, and FB messages of support. The amount of love I have experienced through each of you has dropped me to my knees. I’m humbled. I’m forever grateful.
This morning, I went online and clicked through the photos of the unity march occurring in Paris after this week’s terrorist attacks. Such pain and horrific loss. Families, a city, and a country find themselves in a place of deep mourning. And yet, I also see a world that is coming alongside them in this moment; to share in the grief and in the heartache. Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have gathered in that place of loss and are waving flags of solidarity, offering hugs of support, and simply offering the comfort of their presence as they walk alongside those hurting. Making themselves vulnerable so that those hurting most can find the courage and strength to keep marching.
And I see love redeeming a place that evil and fear intended to destroy.
Please understand that I do not equate my infertility to evil. But this week I feel as though I am walking my own streets of Paris. Last Sunday morning, a great sense of loss burrowed itself deep within my heart. And I wanted to stay home, curl myself into a ball and let God quietly heal my heart. But instead, I heard him say, “Come on. Let’s go for a walk.” And so we did. And at first it felt like the streets were deserted, the wind whipping old newspapers across dirty, dusty streets. I’ve found myself on this road before. It can feel so desolate and lonely to carry a hurt that cannot be seen from the outside. And I want to turn back and shut myself in where it feels safe and not so exposed but I trust You when you say, “No, keep walking. You’ll see.”
And suddenly, to my surprise I look to my left and someone else is there. And then I look to the right and see that another person has appeared. One by one, people are joining with me, offering smiles, a simple hand squeeze, and words of encouragement. Some people I’ve known my whole life, and some I have never met. Some share in my beliefs, and others don’t. Some are making me laugh and some don’t say anything at all, but I feel their love and the weight of their prayers. People are now streaming from the houses along this dusty street and lining the sides of the pavement, waving flags, cheering me on, and joining in this march as I pass them by.
“See?” You tell me with a smile. And I nod as I wipe tears from my cheeks because this is the most beautiful and mysterious thing I have ever experienced. Because Your Love is made tangible through the way WE love each other. It redeems a place of vulnerability into one of strength and comfort. Oh, for all the horrible things people can do to each other, and despite what a shitty, broken world this is, I am so convicted that God uses us to tell a bigger story of hope and love that will always break through whatever darkness threatens to claim us.
So everyone, thank you. You made me feel like Paris. You took my burden as your burden and made it your own and reminded me that courage feels a lot like caring and kindness. I want to be one that marches alongside others. To be that reminder that you are not alone in your own walks.
And to Paris, we say Je Suis Charlie and God be with you.