Yes, my last post was over a year ago. And let’s be honest, I didn’t post a whole lot on here to begin with. But lately, I’ve had this urge to flex my fingers, blow the dust of my keyboard, fill my mug with coffee, and continue with this story.
People ask me if I still write. Yes. Constantly. Words tumble, jostle, and perpetually flood my brain and most of them end up in my journal. But they rarely end up here. I think because it can be emotionally exhausting to publicly pull back the layers you have so carefully put in place. We all need that insulation in order to carry on with our daily lives (it is not a bad thing!) and I am quite aware of our tendency to “overshare” in whatever platform we make for ourselves in this day and age. We smile, and present our perfectly curated stage we’ve built and try to ignore the fact it is nothing more than a shivering stack of bone-china tea cups, perched precariously one on top of another.
So I respect the insulation, the fragility of it all….and yet, I also want to rip it open and show the beating heart behind it.
And this is where I find myself this morning. A longing to record some of these words, to share them, which hasn’t happened in a long time.
And maybe part of the reason it was hard to log in to this blog was because I would have to answer the “question,” and type the words, “Nope. Still infertile.”
But guess what, there they are in all of their brutal glory, and it was easier than I thought. And part of that reason is because God has been showing me, that my story, HIS story is so much grander than resolution. For in those in-between places, a life is lived. A beautiful, full, rich life.
That doesn’t negate the pain, confusion, the questions, the bad days…in fact, the horrible days that occur, but it also creates space for beautiful days. Lots and lots of them. The kind that take your breath away and fill you with the most serene sense of contentment and you realize that this story, this wonderful, rich, multifaceted story is not one to be traded for another’s.
For in this space, I have never felt more lost and more known. I have felt despair, and the deep joy that allows me to laugh with grateful tears. This story is not about resolution. It’s about REVELATION.
And yours is too.
These are the stories that are made to be shared. Shivering tea cups and all.
So, it’s nice to see you all again….more to follow.